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As I wrote in my last post, I have been inspired by my family’s resilience as I try to face these uncertain times with equanimity. Recently in Barbara Krasner’s Writing Family History workshop, she asked us to write about our family’s language. It occurs to me that laughter forms the foundation of much of our communication, even in the toughest of times. Here is part of what I wrote:
My grandmother Helene’s primary language was German. She loved reading and writing, learning English on her own presumably so she could read novels in their original language. German was the language she was most comfortable in and was often playful in it.
I wish I’d learned more German. The only foundation I have is a 10-week introduction course I took as a senior at Cal. One thing that made German challenging for me was the very thing my grandmother seemed to enjoy the most – how words are created by combining other words. My grandmother’s letters are full of puns and plays on words, most of whose meaning may be lost in time. Fortunately, my friend Rosyln who translated Helene’s letters had lived in Vienna and understood the difference between German and Austrian usage, often caught references to Goethe, or to popular culture and advertising. I realize when something is incomprehensible in her letters, it was probably clear to her intended audience, her children. She was writing in a sort of secret code to remind Eva and Harry of their childhood and the fun they had. I’m guessing it was also a game – giving them the opportunity to test their cleverness and memory. In at least one or two of Harry’s letters as a GI in the South Pacific, he too referenced Goethe or the childhood songs their mother had done in her letters a few years earlier. I loved too the seemingly endless number of ways she played with Eva’s and Harry’s names to add love and affection to her letters, the only connection she had to her children while they were an ocean apart.
Eva and Harry were almost as talented at learning languages as their parents were. Their father Vitali knew at least 9 languages, useful in Istanbul where people from many lands did business. I believe Vitali’s and Helene’s first common language was English. Perhaps they spoke some French as well. At the least, Vitali “swore” in French, yelling “concombre!” when he was angry or frustrated. Much more polite, civilized, and hilarious to shout “cucumber!” than some angry expletive. It probably drained the tension from the room and had everyone rolling on the floor laughing.
I get the idea that laughter and music were a constant in the Cohen household. That makes sense given my generation’s family gatherings. As a child, whenever we visited Harry and his family, the house was filled with laughter and conversation. It was fun and lively. My mother was in her element. I didn’t appreciate that not every family is lucky enough to enjoy each other’s company until my friend Edith spent Christmas with us in 1980. For her, it remains the happiest and most memorable holiday celebration she’d ever experienced. There would have been no talk of religion - just laughter, food, and presents.
My group of friends from school is similar – whenever “the gang” gets together, the room is awash in laughter. It’s like a magic potion that erases stress and makes us feel young again.
I attribute this tendency to laugh and relax whenever I’m together with family and old friends as a gift from my grandmother. She instilled the love of family, fun, and playfulness in her children and they passed it on to their children. I am forever grateful. Much better at even the darkest times to look forward with joy and humor, not ignoring the peril or danger, but having resilience and hope that life will go on.
My favorite photos of family are when they are laughing and taking delight. Here are Harry and Eva later in life:
Harry seeing himself an infinite number of times in a bathroom mirror.
Eva laughing at a silly gift she received.
My grandmother and I taking delight in being together.
May you find joy and take delight in something today and everyday.